Month: September 2026

Grief is unique to each of us. No two people experience the loss of a loved one in quite the same way, and there’s no single “correct” way to grieve. But one feeling that comes up again and again for people I work with is guilt, and it’s one of the hardest parts of loss to talk about.

If you’ve been feeling guilty since your loved one passed away, even when logically you know you have nothing to feel guilty for, this is for you.

Why guilt shows up after loss

Guilt after bereavement is incredibly common, and it can take many different forms. Some of the most frequent reasons include:

• Believing you could have done more.
  You might find yourself replaying events, wondering if there was something you could have said or done differently that might have changed the outcome.
• Guilt about being alive.
  It’s not unusual to feel uncomfortable, or even guilty, that you’re still here when your loved one is not.
• Worrying you’re “grieving wrong”.
  Many people worry they’re not sad enough, too sad, moving on too quickly, or not moving on quickly enough and feel guilty as a result.
• Feelings of relief.
  If you cared for someone through a long illness, you may feel a sense of relief once their suffering has ended, and then feel guilty for feeling relieved at all.

Whatever shape your guilt takes, it’s important to know that it doesn’t reflect the truth of what happened, or what kind of person you are. It’s a natural, if painful, part of how many of us process loss.

How to deal with grief guilt

• Acknowledge the feeling.
  Guilt is a genuine emotion, and it deserves to be recognised rather than pushed away. Naming it “I feel guilty right now”, can take away some of its power. Remember that feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re actually at fault.
• Practise self-forgiveness and self-compassion.
  Try to speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend going through the same thing. You almost certainly did the best you could with what you knew at the time.
• Seek support.
  Guilt can be difficult to untangle on your own, especially when it’s tied up with complicated emotions like relief or regret. Talking things through with someone trained in bereavement support can help you make sense of these feelings and begin to let some of that guilt go.

Grief guilt can feel very lonely, but it’s far more common than most people realise and it doesn’t have to be carried alone.

If guilt is weighing on you after the loss of a loved one, I’m here to help you work through it in a safe, non-judgemental space.
Get in touch to find out more about bereavement counselling.

When we think about grief, we tend to picture it as an emotional experience. Sadness, tears, a heavy heart. But if you’ve been grieving the loss of someone you love, you may have noticed something else too: a tight chest, an aching back, headaches that won’t lift, or a stomach that’s constantly in knots.

If this sounds familiar, please know that you’re not imagining it, and you’re certainly not alone. Bereavement affects everyone differently, and for many people, it shows up in the body just as much as it does in the mind.

Why can grief feel physical?

Grief isn’t only a psychological process, it’s a full-body response. When we lose someone significant, our nervous system reacts as though we’re under threat. The sympathetic nervous system activates, pushing us into a state of fight or flight, even though there’s no danger to run from or fight against.

This triggers a surge of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. In the short term, these are useful as they help us cope with an emergency. But grief isn’t a single moment; it’s an ongoing process. This means the stress response can stay switched on for weeks or months. Over time, this can lead to:

• Chest tightness or pain
• Digestive issues, such as nausea or a loss of appetite
• Increased inflammation in the body
• Headaches
• Shoulder and neck tension
• Backache

None of this means something is wrong with you. It means your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do when they’re carrying something heavy.

What can help

While there’s no way to skip past the physical side of grief, there are things that can ease the load and help your nervous system settle.

• Give yourself permission to feel your feelings.
  Grief can bring up emotions that feel messy, contradictory, or uncomfortable. Suppressing them often makes physical symptoms worse, not better. Let yourself feel what you feel, without judgement.
• Start a journal.
  Writing down how you’re feeling, even just a few lines a day , can help release some of the emotional weight your body is holding onto.
• Keep up your social support.
  It can be tempting to withdraw when you’re grieving, but staying connected to the people who care about you matters more than ever.
• Talk to friends and loved ones.
  Saying how you feel out loud, rather than carrying it silently, can ease both emotional and physical tension.
• Prioritise rest.
  Grief is exhausting. A good night’s sleep helps your body and mind regulate emotion, so try to protect your rest where you can.
• Build in a mindful moment each day.
  This doesn’t need to be complicated. Simply a walk outside, a few minutes of yoga, or simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea can help calm an overactive nervous system.
• Reach out for support.
  If the physical symptoms of grief are persisting or feel overwhelming, speaking to a bereavement counsellor can help you process what you’re going through, in body and mind.

Grief takes the time it takes, and there’s no “right” way to move through it. Being gentle with yourself (physically as well as emotionally) is one of the kindest things you can do while you heal.

If you’re struggling with the physical or emotional weight of loss, I offer a safe, supportive space to talk things through. Get in touch to find out more about bereavement counselling.