Losing someone close to you will undoubtedly have a profound effect on you and your life. Life will change. You need to give yourself the time and space to grieve and to accept your loss, after which you will probably be asking yourself many questions, such as: who am I now that my life has changed? What does my life look like from now on? How do I find purpose and enjoyment in life again?

But don’t worry. You’re not alone. Many people struggle with these questions after losing someone close to them. Finding purpose after loss is something you will be ready to do when the time is right. Here are some ideas for what you can do to adapt your life to the new normal.

Travel

Many people decide to travel after losing a loved one. Not only does it give you time to reflect and take on board how your life has changed, travel also gives you a time to heal, to relax and recuperate in places that are completely different to home, so they won’t hold any painful memories. Whether you choose to travel alone or with a friend, embracing a new experience and making new memories will help you come to terms with your loss and start on your new journey.

Maybe there are places you’ve always wanted to visit or a certain type of holiday you’ve always fancied trying. This is the perfect time to fulfil these long-harboured dreams – it will give you an enormous sense of accomplishment and help you realise that you are strong enough and brave enough to face your new life.

Reconnect (old friends, old pastimes)

After losing someone close to you, you may think about reconnecting with old friends who you have lost touch with or following an old passion that you put on the back burner. Reconnecting with old friends will not only give you a welcome distraction from your loss, but it will also help you reconnect with yourself, who you used to be. This will really help with adapting to your new life and give you a fresh perspective on your life now, compared to how it used to be.

The same can be said for hobbies or past times that you’ve not enjoyed in a long time. As well as distracting you from painful thoughts, it could also rekindle a passion you once had, giving you new direction and new purpose.

New experiences

Whatever you choose to do after losing someone, it is important that you take the opportunity to embrace new experiences. Making new memories, fulfilling lifelong ambitions and just trying things you’ve also fancied is a way to forge a new path, one that isn’t too painful and full of reminders of your loss. This could be taking up a new hobby or past time, trying different cuisines, different social events, volunteering or joining a new community to connect with like-minded people.

Finding purpose after losing a loved one can really help you come to terms with your new life. There is no need to feel guilty about moving on, it is a vital part of the healing process. You can find purpose while still honouring the memories of the loved one you have lost. But reconnecting with yourself is the path to long term happiness and finding a place where you can continue to live your life in a positive way and coming to terms with your loss is possible.

As I’ve noted in a previous blog post, there remains a considerable stigma around fertility for women, which restricts the number of women who come to me for fertility counselling in Beaconsfield and online. Speaking about issues like infertility, miscarriage, or menopause is still incredibly difficult; we tend to keep these difficult feelings to ourselves, thereby making the problem worse. 

And in the case of men, there is even less willingness to speak out about fertility issues, even though the rates of infertility with men are about the same as that of women. Low sperm count, poor sperm motility, damaged testes, or blocked tubes make up just some of the reasons why men are unable to conceive. There are also a number of lifestyle factors that can get in the way as well. 

Although some progress has been made, we still live in quite an overtly masculine culture – one that demands men to behave in a certain way and expects them to provide. A man will be made to feel like less of a man if they can’t conceive for whatever reason. When fertility problems occur, men may well experience problems like depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem, and won’t feel comfortable talking through these issues with anyone. They will suffer in silence, unable to communicate their emotions, which only makes their sense of isolation and low feeling worse. 

It has also been shown that struggles with mental health can further reduce the chances of conceiving a child, so it becomes a vicious cycle – one that can feel impossible to escape. A man feels like they have to cope with these problems on their own, which only adds to their stress, and at the same time have to stay strong for the rest of their family, perhaps in the form of supporting a partner going through fertility treatments like hormone injections or IVF. 

Fertility treatment can be a stressful process, and when placed on top of the emotional difficulties men already have to deal with in isolation, it can all feel like far too much. This is such an important area of life, yet men hardly ever think to seek help about the stresses that often accompany trying to conceive. 

If you are a man in this position, I am here to provide the confidential support that you need. My fertility counselling in Beaconsfield and online gives you the chance to speak about your feelings in any way you see fit, with me listening to you every step of the way. Give me a call or email at any time to set up an appointment.

Over the years as a fertility and bereavement counsellor in Beaconsfield, I have seen how couples who have gone through miscarriage don’t just grieve over the loss of their child. They can also, in many cases, worry quite heavily about what their friends, family, and colleagues will say about what has happened. Having to explain the situation to others, along with hearing what they say back, can be a challenging experience. 

Miscarriage is such a sensitive topic, and while those around you obviously only mean well and want to support you, it is common for them to say the wrong thing and make the situation worse. If you have a loved one who is going through miscarriage, this blog post gives you some pointers about what not to say when discussing this challenging topic. 

You Can Always Try Again

This is perhaps the most common response someone might have to hearing of a friend or family member going through a miscarriage. I know that the sentiment behind this quote is warm, and encourages the persons involved to look towards the future, rather than dwell on the past, but it fails to recognise the most crucial point: that they don’t want another baby, they want this baby. Perhaps one day they will try again, but at this early stage, they are still grieving over the child they have lost, so acknowledging that is important. 

A Quarter of Pregnancies End in Miscarriage

I know that people often use this statistic in an attempt to ‘normalise’ the miscarriage, but in doing so it also turns something extremely real – and painful – into just another number, which is not something the affected party wants to hear. Also, it is worth remembering that the person who has gone through the miscarriage definitely knows this statistic already. They have no doubt scoured forums and read plenty of articles, so they don’t need to hear it from anyone else. 

At Least It Happened Early

This is a particularly insensitive one. The implication here is that just because the couple didn’t know their baby, it is less painful than if they were to lose that baby at a young age. What people who haven’t miscarried before often don’t know, however, is that the expecting mother and father have a dream baby in their minds from the moment they get that positive result – something that grows as the pregnancy progresses. They do, in fact, already know their baby intimately. So always remember that there is no good time to lose a child, whether it happens in utero or not. 

If you have a friend or family member who is struggling after a miscarriage, or if you’ve experienced one yourself, I am here to provide confidential, non-judgemental miscarriage and bereavement counselling in Beaconsfield and online. Get in touch to arrange an initial consultation at a time that suits you. 

When someone close to you has recently suffered from a bereavement of some kind, it can be hard to know what to say or do. Often people will worry about saying the wrong thing, or doing something that makes the situation worse. We all mean well, of course, but supporting a grieving person is a complex, delicate process, and you shouldn’t be expected to get it absolutely right.

To help you navigate this difficult time with your loved one – whether it’s a friend, family member, or partner – this blog post walks you through four things to keep in mind when you’re with someone going through grief.

Don’t Expect Them To ‘Move On’ Eventually 

As someone who has delivered bereavement counselling in Beaconsfield for many years, I know that many people tend to wrongly assume that there is some sort of expiry date on grief. The truth is that grief is far from linear; not everyone grieves in the same way, and sometimes it kicks in a long time after the fact. So it’s important to never assume that your loved one has moved on because a certain amount of time has passed. Be sure to check in on them once in a while; ask them how they are feeling and whether there’s anything you can do.

Help With Practical Tasks 

Offering help with everyday tasks can be an extremely helpful thing for someone who is grieving. It could be that the person who has died fulfilled certain roles that are now your loved one’s sole responsibility, which only makes their life more stressful. The minutiae of everyday life can be too much for a bereaved individual anyway, so assisting them in any way will be useful. This could include cleaning, assisting with children or pets, or giving them a place to stay.

Acknowledge That There Will Be Mood Swings 

It is important to remember that a grieving person can float between different moods in a short space of time. This is a normal part of grief, and something we should encourage, for it is their way of processing what has happened. They may be talkative, then go quiet all of a sudden. Sometimes a grieving person will want to be left alone, while on other occasions they might need someone to talk to. Whatever emotion they are feeling, being able to handle it is a crucial form of support that they’ll benefit from receiving.

Remember: Two Ears, One Mouth

I know that it feels tempting to say “the right thing”, but usually this doesn’t work, and can sometimes make them feel worse. As a rule, avoid making suggestions about what your loved one should or shouldn’t do at this moment in time. While this advice is always underpinned by the best intentions, rarely is it ever actually helpful.

By extension, trying to explain or somehow ameliorate their loss – “they’re in a better place now”, etc. – is considerably less useful than simply displaying basic empathy and listening. All you need to do, really, is acknowledge that they are going for a hard time and make sure they know you’re here for them.

If you or a loved one is struggling with a recent bereavement of some kind, feel free to get in touch with me to set up an initial appointment for bereavement counselling in Beaconsfield or online. 

If you have recently suffered a bereavement, or find yourself struggling with another mental health issue of any kind, you might feel like reaching out for counselling in Beaconsfield or online. Having a dedicated place to explore difficult emotions in your own way, in an atmosphere devoid of judgement, helps you process your feelings and reach a better place over time.

However, if you have never received counselling before, you might be wondering whether in-person counselling or Zoom counselling is better. How do you know which one you’re more suited to, after all? Certain personalities may prefer the face-to-face format, while others would naturally side with Zoom. To help you make a decision that is right for you, this blog post walks you through the merits of both formats.

Zoom Counselling 

For someone seeking counselling for the first time, it is natural to feel a bit anxious. If this is the case for you, it could be that starting off by receiving counselling on Zoom is the best way to go. Working with me from the comfort of your own home helps you feel a bit more at ease and talk with greater freedom, which in turn allows us to make more progress in our sessions together. You have that extra layer of privacy, along with saving yourself from travel expenses and the pressure of visiting a new place.

Another key benefit of Zoom counselling is the flexibility that it provides. I know how busy people are, and having to visit a specific place once a week simply isn’t practically possible for many out there. With Zoom counselling, you can do it on your lunch break, or right after work at 5pm or 6pm. You are less likely to miss sessions and, as such, maintain that sense of consistency which is so important for progress in therapy.

In-Person Counselling in Beaconsfield

Some may feel more secure with Zoom counselling, but others will insist that in-person counselling in Beaconsfield is the only real way to make true progress with me. That in-person rapport may be what you require in order to genuinely open up about your feelings. Many people need to see the body language, gauge the vocal tone, breathe the same air – otherwise it just doesn’t feel right and they can’t adequately communicate how they feel.

And while a good number of people may feel more comfortable at home, it is important to remember that a lot of individuals don’t have a peaceful home life. For some, my practice in Beaconsfield feels like their only safe space in the world. Visiting the same place every week, at the same time, can be a crucial constant for someone whose domestic life is unstable and/or abusive.

If you are still unsure about whether to have counselling over Zoom or from my Beaconsfield practice, feel free to give me a call and I’d be happy to talk it through with you some more ahead of us arranging an initial session. 

When someone close to you dies, you are bound to feel a number of difficult emotions. Many feel depressed; others get angry; some people go extremely numb, or simply tune out. Grief comes to people in different ways, and it takes time to make sense of these challenging feelings. Seeing a bereavement counsellor in Beaconsfield, like myself, may feel like the next step – a friendly, confidential space to talk through your grief in a way that makes sense to you.

That said, if you’ve never had any counselling before, you might be wondering whether it’s the right thing for you. You will likely have a number of doubts and questions. This blog post gives you a couple of pointers about how to approach the question of seeking out bereavement counselling.

Give It Some Time 

A lot of people will immediately seek bereavement counselling in Beaconsfield after losing a loved one, but I tend to advise against this. Going to counselling right away isn’t actually the best idea, no matter how bad you may be feeling, because you haven’t given yourself a chance to properly explore the loss and process the feelings associated with your grief.

The healthiest thing to do – and also the hardest – is to let yourself experience the emotions that come up. Doing this gives you a greater understanding of the role these feelings play in your life, at which point we can start to actively look at them together.

Don’t Go Because Someone Tells You To 

People tend to assume that everyone who is grieving goes through each stage of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance – but this is not how grief works at all. Someone close to you might insist that you have to reach out for bereavement counselling, claiming that you’ll never get past the depression stage, or the bargaining stage, if you don’t. However, every loss brings a different reaction from each person, so the only person who can tell whether you need bereavement counselling is, well, you!

Some people may never feel the need to speak to a bereavement counsellor. Others might be fine for months, only for feelings to start coming up. If you are grieving parents, it could be that one party is ready for bereavement counselling, while the other doesn’t feel remotely prepared for such a thing. Each case is different, and in each one you have to listen to yourself – in particular what your gut tells you.

If you are thinking about seeking bereavement counselling in Beaconsfield or online and have any questions, feel free to give me a call at any time.

As a counsellor in Beaconsfield and online, I have experience in working with parents who have lost their child. I understand that life can never be quite the same after such a loss. You may feel like you have lost a part of yourself, and this is a normal, understandable thing to believe after losing a child. Although you may not feel this way right now, life does improve. We slowly learn to manage. To help you navigate this difficult time, this blog walks you through a few pieces of advice for navigating this particular form of grief.

Establish a Routine 

It may well be that the grief you feel is so considerable that you start to ignore your own health. Many people forget to eat, for example, or stop exercising. Daily responsibilities end up being neglected. Failing to stay on top of these aspects of your life will, eventually, make your situation even worse, and as a result it is important to establish a routine that encourages you to keep practising these good habits. This might entail taking a walk every day, or ensuring that you eat breakfast each morning. Keeping yourself in a healthy rhythm in this way makes an important difference to your mental wellbeing.

Communicate With Your Partner 

You need to accept that the dynamic with your partner will change in some way after losing a child you had together. Sometimes, couples in these situations decide to split up, because staying with the partner might be too painful. On the other hand, you could become even closer due to the fact that nobody else understands the hardship you experienced. Whatever feelings come up, it is important that you share them with your partner. Communication can often break down when both sides are grieving, which only serves to create barriers between the two parties, meaning you feel even more alone.

Find a Support Network

It is common to feel like you are on your own after losing a child. That sense of isolation can be powerful, but it is crucial to remember that you are not alone. So many people have gone through something similar, and sharing your feelings with them can be liberating. There are people further down the path of grief who can provide valuable advice on how to navigate these challenging times, or simply be there to listen and understand. Sharing your feelings with others is such a valuable exercise. Keeping them to yourself certainly doesn’t help.

However, I understand that not everyone has a support network readily available to them. If you are struggling with the death of a child and need somewhere to talk, I provide confidential, personalised bereavement counselling in Beaconsfield and online, giving you a chance to explore your emotions in any way you see fit. Feel free to get in touch at any time. 

Along with providing bereavement and loss therapy in Beaconsfield for people who have lost loved ones such as friends or parents, I also work with people going through miscarriage or fertility issues. This is a particularly sensitive area, and one that many people struggle to talk about. There continues to be quite a stigma around discussing the complications that surround conceiving and pregnancy.

It could be that you are currently undergoing IVF treatment (In Vitro Fertilisation), or other treatments such as IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) or ICSI (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection). Going through this process can be stressful, upsetting, and exasperating. A lot of people feel deeply uncomfortable talking about these issues; they may feel inadequate, or somehow ‘less’ because they’re having problems with pregnancy. Opening up about these issues to friends or family can feel like too much, especially if they have children of their own.

Struggling to conceive, or losing a child during pregnancy, is always painful. I have provided counselling in Beaconsfield for many people who have gone through one of these experiences, or even both, and often they will speak about how ‘alone’ they feel – as if nobody understands their situation. They might believe that they have ‘failed’ in some way; they may become withdrawn and feel like there’s something ‘wrong’ with them.

People tend to speak about pregnancy as a ‘natural’ phenomenon – something that every woman should be able to do without any problems, but this is just wrong. There are so many out there going through fertility treatment, conceiving problems, or the pain of miscarriage who suffer in silence, and this should never be the case.

The truth is that pregnancy is an extremely delicate, complex phenomenon. It differs for each person. There are many challenges that can come along. Problems happen frequently, and women should always feel like they can talk about them.

If you are struggling with any aspect of fertility treatment or pregnancy, I offer friendly, non-judgemental, strictly confidential fertility counselling in Beaconsfield and online. This is your time to talk about how you are feeling in any way you see fit. Give me a call at any time to set up an initial session.  

Grief affects people in different ways. Over the years as a bereavement and loss therapist in Beaconsfield, I have seen how some bereaved people feel angry, or extremely depressed, while others go numb. Sometimes we get to a point where we don’t know what to feel. From the outside, however, many assumptions are made about how a person must be feeling after a painful loss, which can often do more harm than good.

Despite having solely good intentions, we can often say or do the wrong thing for someone who is grieving. And if you are the one who is grieving, it may be that you are beating yourself for not grieving in the ‘right way’ – whatever that means. To help people on both sides of the fence, here are three mistakes people frequently make when it comes to the subject of grief.

Grief is Not Linear

We immediately assume that grief is at its worst right after someone dies, before slowly getting better with time and never reappearing again. But grief is not linear in this way all the time. While this may be the case for some people, others can have a markedly different experience. A person may feel okay for months, perhaps years, only for the pain to resurface out of nowhere. There is no set time for when grief disappears; it can show up at any time in a person’s life, or not at all.

Talking About Grief Makes Things Worse

It is often thought that talking about one’s grief, or the person who has died, has a negative impact on that person. They may believe that doing so opens up old wounds and has the effect of ‘retraumatising’ them, because it brings back the same painful emotions over and over again. Instead, people keep these thoughts and feelings to themselves, which only makes the situation worse. They warp and inflate inside your head and cause additional problems. And so, while talking about grief is hard, doing it in a private, comfortable setting with an experienced professional can have a powerful unburdening effect. You have a dedicated space to explore these emotions and, as a result, reduce the impact they have on your daily thought patterns.

We ‘Get Over’ Someone Dying

Another common misconception about grief is that it has some kind of ‘expiry date’. People say that ‘time is the great healer’, but that is not always true. Sometimes, time does not heal the pain you suffered from losing a person close to you. You might lose someone extremely important, like a child, parent, partner, or best friend. That grief you feel never fully goes away.

We like to think that grief slowly gets smaller over time. In reality, the size of the grief stays the same, and life eventually gets bigger around it.

Sometimes, talking to friends or family about grief can be hard – or perhaps impossible. As a bereavement and loss therapist in Beaconsfield, I give you a safe, private, non-judgmental space to talk through these feelings in any way you see fit. Feel free to give me a call at any time and we can arrange an initial session. 

As someone who has provided bereavement and loss therapy in Beaconsfield for a number of years, I have seen many clients make the same misconception about grief: namely, that it only happens when a person dies. This is simply not true. Grief comes after we experience an important loss of any kind, and it is this phenomenon of loss – and the many emotions that come with it – that I really work with as a bereavement counsellor.

To illustrate what I mean, here are three different ways we can experience grief that don’t involve someone passing away.

Breakups

Chances are, you’ve been through a breakup before. Many people have been through more breakups than they care to remember. We all remember that first heartbreak, and how it seemed more painful than anything else in the world. That feeling is no different to the grief one feels when someone dies. It creates a hollow feeling inside; you lose the motivation to do anything at all.

In the adult sphere, divorce naturally brings about a sense of grief as well. If someone who has been with you for many years is suddenly gone from your life, it is normal to feel bereaved. This can also be the case for a long-term friendship that ends on bad terms. As a parent, feelings of grief often arise if their child cuts them out of their life and refuses to speak to them again.

Being Sacked/Made Redundant

Jobs give us a sense of security and stability, but often we can have this safety net stripped from us at a moment’s notice. Due to the pandemic, and other factors, a lot of people were quickly released from their jobs without much warning, leaving them stranded in unemployment and uncertainty. Perhaps you have worked for a particular company for many years, with people you have come to know well. The workplace can become like a second family in this sense. When we lose it, that sense of grief can be extremely powerful.

Money Loss

If you are 30 years old or older, you will remember the panic and pain that came with the 2008 financial crisis. Many people lost assets they assumed would always be theirs; carefully accrued life savings vanished to nothing. This was a particularly bad time for people’s finances, but it can happen in many instances: court settlements, fraud, gambling issues, etc. Losing money can leave one feeling like they have nowhere to turn, that they have lost an essential part of themselves. That sense of despair is no different to when someone dies.

If you are having a hard time coping with a divorce, recent life transition, or any other loss that has happened in your life, I offer confidential bereavement and loss therapy in Beaconsfield or online. Feel free to get in touch with me to set up an initial consultation at any time.