When a relationship breaks down, it can be very difficult to cope with. For many people the stress of divorce, separation or a breakup can have a massive impact on their lives. They often experience feelings of grief as well as wondering how long it will be before they find love again and if they should just give up on relationships altogether. However, there are ways of coping with the loss of a relationship which can help you get through this difficult time in your life and help you move on as quickly as possible.

Feelings associated with relationship breakdowns

When you’re going through a relationship breakdown, it is completely normal to feel sad, depressed, disappointed and angry. You might resent your ex for leaving you or being the cause of the breakup. You could also feel anxious about what will happen next in your life and nervous about whether or not you’ll find someone else as good as them again.

This is often made worse by the loneliness you feel because they were always around when you were together – now that they’ve gone there’s no one around and your life has completely changed. If you were in your relationship for a long time, this means that your routines, your habits, what you did every day and every weekend has gone and now you may feel uncertain about what the future holds. So, you are not just grieving the end of the relationship; tied in with that is the grief you feel for the loss of normality, stability, even your future plans that you may have made together.

How to cope with your feelings

The first thing to do is to try to accept your feelings. Understand that you will grieve for a period of time and that it is natural. It’s not healthy to bottle up your emotions or try to ‘put a brave face on’. Allowing yourself to grieve now will mean that when your grief subsides, you can start to heal and focus positively on the future.

Most people turn to their family and friends for support. You may feel like crawling under the duvet and staying there, but spending time with the people you hold dear will give you the time to talk about your feelings: to cry, to get angry and vent your frustration with the support of someone who cares about you.

At this time, you should practice self-care. This way, as you work through your grief, if you are eating well, sleeping well and getting regular exercise, you will be more able to think rationally about your situation and focus on the future. Exercise is proven to help with mental health, but this doesn’t mean relentlessly hitting the gym – just going for a walk with a friend will give you the same benefits, as well as having someone to talk to at this difficult time.

It may also be an idea to consider the positive aspects of your situation. You could reconnect with old friends, take up a hobby you used to do or try something you’ve always wanted to try. You may then start to see the positive aspects of your breakup, which will, in time, help you through your grief.

It can be difficult to cope with the loss of a partner and all of the emotions that come along with it, but there are many ways in which we can support ourselves during this time. We encourage you to seek out friends or family members who will listen to what’s going on in your life without judgement or criticism; they may even have some helpful advice about how best manage these feelings!

If you are struggling with a relationship breakdown, I am here to provide confidential, non-judgemental counselling in Beaconsfield and online. Get in touch to arrange an initial consultation at a time that suits you. 

Losing your job can be one of the most stressful experiences in life. Having to deal with an unexpected redundancy is understandably not an enjoyable situation, but it doesn’t have to be as bad as many people think. You may find that you experience different stages of grief, but that is perfectly natural. Give yourself time to grieve, accept your feelings and it may be the change you were actually looking for.

Accept your feelings of loss.

It’s normal to feel sad and angry when you lose your job, especially if it’s through redundancy. You may feel like a failure, or even like a burden on others. You might be tempted to bottle up these emotions so that you don’t appear weak or vulnerable in front of others, but this is not helpful because bottled-up emotions will only cause stress and make things worse for you in the long run.

Know that you’re not alone.

The most important thing to remember is that you’re not alone. If you look at other people who have been in similar situations, you’ll see that they have come out of it and are doing well. Talk to others who have gone through redundancy before so that they can give some advice on how best to handle yourself during this trying time.

Don’t blame yourself.

Don’t blame yourself for being laid off. It’s not your fault that the company no longer needed your services, and it’s not a reflection of who you are as a person. Don’t feel guilty about looking for another job – in fact, it’s essential that you do so! You need to take care of yourself and your family by finding employment with another company as soon as possible.

Practice self care.

Self care is important. It’s your responsibility to take care of yourself, and it’s okay to do that. You may feel like you have nothing left to give, but there are ways you can make time for yourself while keeping up with the rest of life’s responsibilities. Make sure you get enough sleep, you eat well, exercise and do plenty of things that make you feel good, such as your hobbies or spending time with your family.

Take action in the present to create a better future.

The best way to deal with the loss of your job is to take action in the present. Don’t wait for the right time or for someone else to give you permission to start something new. Don’t wait for an invitation from the universe, either; it’s up to YOU!

The first step is going out and doing what makes sense for YOU right now, not later on down the road when things have settled down and calmed down a bit (they won’t). It doesn’t matter what others think about what you’re doing–you should do whatever feels right at this moment because it will help build confidence in yourself as well as give others around them something positive too look forward too seeing happen more often in life.”

Losing your job can be a huge blow, but it doesn’t mean that you have to be defeated by it. You can use this experience as a catalyst for positive change and growth in your life. Remember that losing your job through redundancy can even be a blessing in disguise if it helps you find something better suited to your talents and passions.

If you are struggling with redundancy or any type of loss in your life, I am here to provide confidential, non-judgemental bereavement counselling in Beaconsfield and online. Get in touch to arrange an initial consultation at a time that suits you. 

There are many kinds of loss that you can experience in your life that aren’t from a bereavement. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t grieve. In much the same way as the grief you experience after the death of a loved one, suffering a loss in your life can still have a devastating impact, and you may be finding it difficult to find your way in this new landscape. Here are five types of loss that aren’t from bereavement that people often struggle with, but don’t talk about.

Loss of a job

If you’re suddenly out of work, or at least no longer earning what you once did, it can be a big hit to your bank account and sense of security. Even if there were problems in the relationship before, losing that job may feel like an identity crisis: Who am I now? How do I define myself now? What will people think about me now?

If your job was meaningful and rewarding on some level, then losing it may leave a hole in the way that other parts of life fill up for us – the same way losing someone close leaves an emotional gap where they used to be part of our lives without even trying very hard!

Relationship breakdown

The end of a relationship, or the end of a marriage, is another form of loss that can come as a shock. The same can be said for the end of any long-term relationship, romantic or platonic.

Relationships that have been abusive and/or emotionally draining are also forms of loss, just like financial strain from supporting someone who isn’t contributing to the household or paying their own way in life (examples: an adult child living at home; parents who refuse to move out).

Life changing illness

Life changing illness is a type of loss that isn’t from a bereavement. It can be an enormous shock to your body and mind, but the effects can be long lasting and devastating.

Your life may now revolve around taking medication or receiving medical treatment, which means you don’t have as much freedom as before. You might also need help with everyday tasks like dressing and washing yourself, cooking meals or going out for walks in your local area. This can lead to feelings of frustration and depression as well as making it difficult for friends/family members who want to visit because they don’t know how best to help (or even if they should!).

With all these changes affecting every aspect of your life it can be easy for people around them too – including themselves! – forget about what was important before this happened; namely their goals such as getting married having children etcetera…

Loss of mobility

Loss of mobility can be caused by many things, ranging from accidents, illnesses and age to the more abstract. For example, it’s not uncommon for people in their 30s or 40s to lose their sense of freedom after getting married and having children.

Loss of mobility can lead to depression because it makes us feel like we are being confined by our environment or circumstances (like being stuck at home with kids). When this happens often enough it can lead to a loss of self-esteem as well as purpose in life – which is why some people who become paralyzed decide not to live anymore!

Financial setbacks

This can be due to a job loss, or if your income was reduced because of an injury or illness. You may be been forced to dip into your savings and now have less than before. This can make it hard to feel stable and secure, which can increase feelings of anxiety.

If you have lost something that is important to you, such as a piece of jewellery or an item from your collection, this could cause feelings of grief and sadness for some time afterwards. It might also affect how much money is available for other things in life such as buying groceries!

The feeling that comes with knowing that there will always be enough money coming in each month so that bills and essentials are covered – this feeling may disappear when financial circumstances change suddenly due to an unexpected event like losing one’s job.

There are many kinds of loss that you can experience in your life. It’s important to know that you’re not alone and there are ways to cope with these feelings.

If you, a friend, or family member are struggling with any kind of loss in your life, I am here to provide confidential, non-judgemental bereavement counselling in Beaconsfield and online. Get in touch to arrange an initial consultation at a time that suits you. 

If you or someone you love is dealing with the grief of miscarriage, know that you are not alone. Women who have had a miscarriage may feel isolated and alone in their grief. This can be compounded by the fact that many women are afraid to talk about it – they may feel like they should get over it quickly or pretend that it did not happen. But there is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of a pregnancy; everyone experiences grief differently. You may feel angry, scared and sad after a miscarriage; these feelings are normal and do not mean anything is wrong with you as a person.

The grief of miscarriage

There is no right or wrong way to grieve a miscarriage. You may feel isolated, alone and angry at the world. It’s OK to feel that way; you’re grieving! If you find yourself feeling that way, try talking with someone who has been through this experience before or even just someone who will listen without judgment. They can help you work through your feelings and give advice on how they coped with their own loss.

You might also feel like no one understands the way that miscarriage affects each person differently: some women go through multiple miscarriages before having a successful pregnancy; others have only one miscarriage before becoming pregnant again; still others have never had any problems conceiving but still mourned their losses deeply nonetheless (I am one of these).

No matter what kind of experience you’ve had with pregnancy loss or infertility treatment failures, there will always be someone out there who has gone through something similar.

It is normal to have mixed emotions after a miscarriage

Grief is a natural response to loss, and it’s important to remember that you are not alone in your feelings. As you go through the grieving process, it is normal to have mixed emotions — happy, sad, guilt-ridden and anxious. This can be very confusing for everyone involved.

If you are struggling with these feelings after a miscarriage: Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends and family members who understand what you are going through; there may also be support groups in your area where people who have gone through similar experiences can meet together (you can find them online). If talking about what happened makes things worse instead of better for you right now then try writing about it in a journal or drawing pictures instead; just make sure whatever activity helps deal with those emotions without hurting yourself or others around them

Know that you are not alone.

You are not alone. It’s a sad fact that miscarriage is one of the most common pregnancy complications, but it doesn’t get talked about in our society as much as it should. Even if you are very close to someone who has had a miscarriage, they may not know how to talk about it or what to say because they don’t really know what happened in your body during that time period either–and that’s okay! But if you don’t have anyone around who can relate, then we have some suggestions for where else you can turn.

If you, a friend, or family member are struggling with grief after a miscarriage, I am here to provide confidential, non-judgemental bereavement counselling in Beaconsfield and online. Get in touch to arrange an initial consultation at a time that suits you. 

You may have heard of the five stages of grief, but what are they, does everyone go through them,  and what do they mean for your grieving process?

The Five Stages of Grief were developed by Elisabeth Kubler Ross back in the late 1960s. She developed her model to describe the grief people go through when faced with a terminal illness, but they were adapted as a way of thinking about death and grief in general.

What are the five stages of grief?

The five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. While they are a great way to help you understand your grief, everyone’s experience of grief is unique, and not everyone will go through the five stages, nor will they go through them in a set order. They are just a way to help you come to terms with your loss and understand why you feel the way you do.

Denial

Many people describe feeling numb after losing a loved one – like you have all feeling stripped away. Many people just carry on with their lives as normal, but this can signify that you are not accepting that the person is gone, that you are denying that they have died. This is a perfectly natural part of the grieving process which many people experience.

Anger

Depending on how your loved one dies, you may be feeling anger, resentment or frustration which can make you feel guilty because you may think that these feelings are not acceptable. You may feel angry at them for leaving you, the circumstances in which they died, or at the world for taking your loved one away. You may even feel angry at yourself for not doing more to prevent their death. Understand that anger is a perfectly natural response to a person’s death.

Bargaining

Losing someone is very difficult and can be hard to accept. Sometimes, we may bargain with ourselves or with God or a higher power, that if we do certain things or act in certain way, we will feel better. You may also find yourself going over and over the circumstances of their death, asking yourself many ‘what if’ questions, and wishing that you could go back and do things better, or change things to prevent their death.

Depression

Sadness and depression are the feelings we most associate with death. For some people, these feelings come immediately after your loved on has passed, but for others they come later on. Whenever it arrives, this pain can be very intense and it can feel that there is no way out of it. Life can suddenly feel that is has no meaning and you may struggle to carry on with your normal day to day existence. This is completely natural and all part of you coming to terms with your loss.

Acceptance

There is no set timeline on when acceptance will come. For some people, it can come after a couple of months and they can begin to integrate their loss into their life quite quickly. For others, the feelings of deep sadness can linger for a long time, preventing you from moving on with your life.

If you are struggling with your grief and it is preventing you from moving on with your life, I am here to provide confidential, non-judgemental bereavement counselling in Beaconsfield and online. Get in touch to arrange an initial consultation at a time that suits you. 

From social media posts to well-meaning aunts, there is no shortage of information out there to help you get pregnant. While this advice is always well intentioned, some of it is false and can put unnecessary pressure or stress on your conception journey. Here are some of the most common, preconceptions, misconceptions, and downright myths about how best to conceive.

You have until you’re 40

There are so many stories about women getting pregnant at 40 or even older than some people may be fooled into thinking they have until they are 40 to conceive. And while you may get pregnant, the fact of the matter is that by 40, your chances are less than 5% per cycle.

Only have sex when you ovulate on day 14

While the 14^th day of your cycle is widely accepted as the best day to conceive, not all women have the same cycle length and you are actually most fertile in the days leading up to the 14^th day. Ovulation occurs anytime between day 11 and day 21 so having sex in the 5 days leading up to ovulation and the day of ovulation gives you the best chances of conceiving.

An egg can be fertilised up to 2 days after being released

Your egg will only last between 12-24 hours while sperm can wait around for about 3 days so catching ovulation early is the key. Working out exactly when you are ovulating is a much better idea, so you can prepare early and catch the egg as soon as possible.

You can wait until you’re pregnant before you need to cut the caffeine

If you love your daily latte, you may think that you should only cut back when you are pregnant. However, too much caffeine can affect fertility and it can even lead to early miscarriage. Stick to 1-2 shots of coffee at the most while you are trying to conceive, and this level of caffeine is acceptable during your pregnancy too. So you don’t have to cut caffeine out, just cut it back.

Stress doesn’t affect your ability to get pregnant

Stress will not completely prevent you from conceiving, but when you are stressed, especially if you are suffering with prolonged stress, your body’s other functions take a back seat so it can affect your ability to conceive. Reducing stress levels will not only aid fertility, it will also improve your health and wellbeing, helping you and your body prepare for pregnancy.

You can’t get pregnant if you’re on your period

Your ovulation day changes from month to month, so it is possible that any sperm remaining after having sex during your period may still be around when you ovulate. Sperm can survive in your uterus for up to 5 days so there is a slim chance of conceiving, especially if you have a shorter menstruation cycle.

If you, a friend, or family member are struggling to conceive or you are already engaged in fertility treatment and feel lonely and isolated, I am here to provide confidential, non-judgemental fertility counselling in Beaconsfield and online. Get in touch to arrange an initial consultation at a time that suits you. 

With 1 in 8 couples struggling to conceive, there is no shortage of people out there who are on the lonely fertility journey. But the problem is that many people don’t talk, don’t share, instead choosing to lock themselves away from friends and family, putting their lives on pause and going through it alone.

It’s easy to see why. Conception comes so easily to some people and you may be at an age where it seems like everyone you know is getting pregnant and having kids, even if they hadn’t planned to. This makes it all the more difficult if you are struggling to conceive.

When you’re on your fertility journey, you are bombarded with difficult situations that compound your loneliness. You can’t walk through a park without seeing mums playing with toddlers.  Buying Christmas presents or baby shower presents becomes a painful experience.

To make matters worse, your pregnant friends and those already with kids talk in their coded language about their journeys and experiences that you can’t join in with. Because you have your own language that no-one knows, one of blood test after blood test, early morning injections and fertility drugs. You see everyone’s life moving forwards, whereas you are some kind of fertility limbo, too old for parties and cocktails but not yet in the realm of motherhood.

So it is natural to withdraw from all of that and hide under the duvet. You don’t want to offend your friends, and you don’t want to share the difficulties that you face on a daily basis, so you cut them out. This can make your loneliness and isolation even worse and put your relationship under a huge amount of stress.

However, it is important that you try and break this cycle to help you through the difficult process of trying to conceive. Regardless of how awkward you feel, you need to reach out to friends and family, sharing and discussing your thoughts and feelings. This may be even more difficult if your friends are new mums, but be honest with them. Tell them that you are really happy for them, and you want to be there for them as a friend, but you are on a different and altogether more difficult journey that involves a variety of different emotions. They will understand, and you will feel so much better just sharing your experiences with someone.

Another outlet for your emotions would be a support group – they do exist. Connect with women on the same journey, there may be fewer of them, but you will have similar experiences and speaking to them about your journey will help you make sense of the emotions you are feeling.

If you are really struggling and feel completely isolated by your fertility issues, reaching out to a professional is also a great idea to give you that outlet, so you can make sense of your emotions and feel better prepared for the road ahead, whatever that may look like.

If you, a friend, or family member are struggling to conceive or you are already engaged in fertility treatment and feel lonely and isolated, I am here to provide confidential, non-judgemental fertility counselling in Beaconsfield and online. Get in touch to arrange an initial consultation at a time that suits you. 

When we lose a loved one, we are inundated with a wave of different emotions. No two people grieve the same way but there are common emotions that most people experience through the grieving process and anger is one of them.

While we expect to feel great sadness, loneliness and a sense of injustice, anger can come as a shock to some people, so we often struggle with how to process our anger and make sense of it.

Why we feel anger in grief

There are many reasons why we may feel anger when we are grieving and exploring these feelings, confronting them rather that burying them, holds the key to processing our anger so that we can move on.

You may be frustrated because your loved one has left you, particularly if their death was self-inflicted, through suicide, substance abuse or reckless behaviour. You may be angry at the situation and the people involved or at a higher power such as God or fate. For example, it is common to feel anger towards, doctors, nurses or other professionals who may have been involved and, in your eyes, could have done more to prevent your loss.

You may feel resentment towards friends and family who may not be experiencing the loss that you feel. You may even resent other people, such as friends or work colleagues because they are happy and not suffering the way you are.

Your anger may even be directed inward, at yourself, for the way you are feeling, for what you did or didn’t do or say.

Ways to deal with your anger

The most important thing to do is to not bury your anger, but confront it, no matter how uncomfortable that may be. If you explore the root cause of your anger, you can begin to make sense of it which will enable you to move forward in a more positive way.

One way to explore your anger is by talking to the person who has died. Expressing your thoughts and feelings out loud may help you understand why you are angry. This way you may find it easier to let go of your anger. Just realise that letting go of your anger does not mean you are letting go of the person.

Finding alternative ways of expressing your anger is also a good way to help you move on. This could be through exercise and the feel good endorphins that are released through exercise. This could also be by expressing yourself creatively, through art, photography, crafting or any other creative hobby or pastime you have.

It is also important to explore other uncomfortable feelings, such as sadness, fear and pain as this may help you understand your anger better.

Summary

The anger that you feel when you lose someone is perfectly natural. Spend some time exploring your feelings, reflecting on your thoughts so that you can better understand your anger. Accept it as part of your grieving process and try a number of different ways to express it. That way, you may find it easier to move on and integrate your loss into your life in a more positive way.

If you are suffering with feelings of anger due to a bereavement, you should seek professional help. As a qualified counsellor who specialises in bereavement and loss, I can help you find ways to cope with those feelings and move forward positively

It is difficult to tell the difference between PTSD and grief – they are both powerful emotions that can leave you feel overwhelmed and the symptoms of both overlap in many ways. However, one clear difference is that grief is a normal reaction to loss whereas PTSD is defined as a mental disorder. That said, prolonged grief, or complicated bereavement is more challenging than normal grief, which can lessen after several weeks or months and, like PTSD, requires professional guidance.

What are the symptoms of complicated bereavement?

Losing a loved one is one of most emotional challenges you will ever face in your life. The process of grief that most people go through is completely normal. You can experience feelings of anger, sadness, denial and bargaining before reaching some kind of acceptance to enable you to move forwards with your life and live with your grief in a positive way.

However, sometimes, grief can have a more dramatic impact on your health and well being, which, without professional help, does not diminish over time. This could occur , although not always, in the case of sudden rather than expected bereavement.

Some of the symptoms include:

• Bouts of anger or bitterness
• Insomnia and nightmares
• Strong feelings of responsibility for/ unfinished business with the person who has died
• An inability to continue as normal
• A sense of futility or hopelessness
• Avoiding social situations
• Intrusive thoughts about your loss or the person who has died

With complicated bereavement, these feelings continue for more than a couple of months after the person has died. It can have a huge impact on your life, resulting in difficulties at work, at home and with your relationships. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the loss of a loved one, please get in touch so we can discuss how I can help you make sense of your grief so you can move forward in a positive way.

What is PTSD?

PTSD was a term originally coined to describe the impact upon veterans of the Vietnam War (previously known as ‘shell shock’). Nowadays, it is a clearly defined condition which covers a range of symptoms caused by trauma. This includes physical trauma, psychological trauma, neglect and all forms of abuse, often, but not always taking place in childhood. PTSD can also be a result of major accidents and natural disasters.

What are the symptoms of PTSD?

There are 5 key symptoms or reactions of PTSD, some of which may be experienced in complicated bereavement, but for a diagnosis of PTSD, there needs to be evidence of all 5.

1. Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, abuse or sexual violence
2. Avoiding external reminder of the trauma, such as people, places or things, or internal reminders, like thoughts, feelings or memories
3. Intrusive nightmares, thoughts or memories
4. Changes in mood such as blaming yourself, not trusting others or a belief that the world is unsafe
5. Big changes in behaviour or arousal, such as angry outbursts, hyper vigilance, being easily startled or jumpy, or struggling with sleep

If you are suffering with feelings that may be associates with PTSD or have experienced a traumatic event in your life which has negatively impacted your feelings, emotions and behaviour, you should seek professional help. As a qualified counsellor who specialises in bereavement and loss, I can help you find ways to cope with those feelings and move forward positively.

Losing someone close to you will undoubtedly have a profound effect on you and your life. Life will change. You need to give yourself the time and space to grieve and to accept your loss, after which you will probably be asking yourself many questions, such as: who am I now that my life has changed? What does my life look like from now on? How do I find purpose and enjoyment in life again?

But don’t worry. You’re not alone. Many people struggle with these questions after losing someone close to them. Finding purpose after loss is something you will be ready to do when the time is right. Here are some ideas for what you can do to adapt your life to the new normal.

Travel

Many people decide to travel after losing a loved one. Not only does it give you time to reflect and take on board how your life has changed, travel also gives you a time to heal, to relax and recuperate in places that are completely different to home, so they won’t hold any painful memories. Whether you choose to travel alone or with a friend, embracing a new experience and making new memories will help you come to terms with your loss and start on your new journey.

Maybe there are places you’ve always wanted to visit or a certain type of holiday you’ve always fancied trying. This is the perfect time to fulfil these long-harboured dreams – it will give you an enormous sense of accomplishment and help you realise that you are strong enough and brave enough to face your new life.

Reconnect (old friends, old pastimes)

After losing someone close to you, you may think about reconnecting with old friends who you have lost touch with or following an old passion that you put on the back burner. Reconnecting with old friends will not only give you a welcome distraction from your loss, but it will also help you reconnect with yourself, who you used to be. This will really help with adapting to your new life and give you a fresh perspective on your life now, compared to how it used to be.

The same can be said for hobbies or past times that you’ve not enjoyed in a long time. As well as distracting you from painful thoughts, it could also rekindle a passion you once had, giving you new direction and new purpose.

New experiences

Whatever you choose to do after losing someone, it is important that you take the opportunity to embrace new experiences. Making new memories, fulfilling lifelong ambitions and just trying things you’ve also fancied is a way to forge a new path, one that isn’t too painful and full of reminders of your loss. This could be taking up a new hobby or past time, trying different cuisines, different social events, volunteering or joining a new community to connect with like-minded people.

Finding purpose after losing a loved one can really help you come to terms with your new life. There is no need to feel guilty about moving on, it is a vital part of the healing process. You can find purpose while still honouring the memories of the loved one you have lost. But reconnecting with yourself is the path to long term happiness and finding a place where you can continue to live your life in a positive way and coming to terms with your loss is possible.