Month: June 2025

Do you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess things up”? Perhaps you mentally replay mistakes or criticise yourself in ways you’d never speak to someone else. As a counsellor in Beaconsfield, I’ve worked with many clients who are trapped in patterns of harsh self-criticism that erode their confidence and wellbeing over time.

Negative self-talk is that internal critic that comments on your actions, appearance, and worth, often in ways that are unfair, unkind, and ultimately harmful. While we all experience self-doubt at times, persistent negative inner dialogue can contribute to anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth.

The impact of these thought patterns shouldn’t be underestimated. Your internal voice shapes how you feel about yourself, how you approach challenges, and even how you relate to others. When that voice is consistently critical, it creates a lens through which you view your entire life.

So, how do we begin to shift these patterns? The first step is awareness. Start by simply noticing your self-talk without judgement. What triggers your inner critic? What phrases do you use repeatedly? This awareness creates a small but crucial gap between your thoughts and your identification with them.

Once you’ve developed this awareness, you can begin to question your negative thoughts. Ask yourself: Is this thought actually true? Would I say this to someone I care about? What evidence contradicts this belief? This process helps you recognise that thoughts aren’t facts—they’re mental habits that can be changed.

Try reframing your self-talk with balanced, compassionate language. Instead of “I’m a failure,” try “I’m struggling with this particular task, but I’ve succeeded at similar challenges before.” Rather than “Nobody likes me,” consider “This social situation is difficult, but I have meaningful connections in my life.”

Building a practice of self-compassion is also essential. This means treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a good friend. When you make a mistake or face a setback, acknowledge the difficulty without harsh judgement. Remember that imperfection is part of the shared human experience.

Creating new thought patterns takes time and consistent effort. Consider keeping a journal to track your negative thoughts and practice reframing them. You might also try visualising your inner critic as separate from yourself—perhaps as a character whose unhelpful advice you can acknowledge and then set aside.

Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate all negative thoughts but to develop a more balanced inner dialogue. A healthy relationship with yourself includes acknowledging difficulties and disappointments while also recognising your strengths, efforts, and inherent worth.

If you’re finding it challenging to shift these patterns on your own, I’m here to help. As a counsellor specialising in self-esteem and thought patterns, I offer a space where you can explore the roots of your self-criticism and develop new ways of relating to yourself. Together, we can work to quiet your inner critic and strengthen your inner advocate—the voice that encourages, supports, and believes in you.

Have you ever noticed your heart racing, your breathing becoming shallow, or your muscles tensing when you’re feeling anxious? These physical sensations aren’t just in your head—they’re real, tangible responses to anxiety that affect your entire body. As a counsellor in Beaconsfield, I’ve worked with many clients who are surprised to learn just how deeply anxiety can impact their physical wellbeing.

Anxiety is a natural response to perceived threats, triggering your body’s fight-or-flight system. While this response is helpful in genuine danger, when it’s activated too frequently or intensely, it can leave you feeling physically exhausted and unwell. Understanding these physical manifestations can be an important first step in managing your anxiety more effectively.

The cardiovascular system is often most noticeably affected by anxiety. Your heart may beat faster, your blood pressure might rise, and you could experience chest tightness or palpitations. These sensations can be frightening, sometimes even mimicking the symptoms of a heart attack, which can further increase anxiety in a troubling cycle.

Your digestive system responds strongly to anxiety as well. You might experience stomach aches, nausea, digestive discomfort, or changes in appetite. Some people find they can’t eat when anxious, while others may overeat as a coping mechanism. This connection between your gut and your emotions is so strong that researchers often refer to the gut as our “second brain.”

Muscle tension is another common physical symptom. You might notice your shoulders creeping up towards your ears, jaw clenching, or generalised stiffness throughout your body. This tension can lead to headaches, back pain, and overall physical discomfort that persists even after the immediate anxiety has passed.

Sleep disturbances frequently accompany anxiety. You might struggle to fall asleep as your mind races, wake frequently during the night, or experience unrefreshing sleep. This lack of quality rest can further compromise your physical wellbeing, creating another difficult cycle to break.

Even your breathing patterns change when you’re anxious. Many people begin to breathe more quickly and shallowly, taking in less oxygen and potentially experiencing light-headedness or tingling sensations in their extremities. This altered breathing can actually intensify feelings of anxiety, creating yet another self-perpetuating cycle.

So, how can you begin to address these physical symptoms? Start by recognising them as normal responses to anxiety rather than signs that something is severely wrong. This recognition alone can help reduce the “fear of fear” that often compounds anxiety.

Developing a regular practice of deep, diaphragmatic breathing can be transformative. When you feel anxiety rising, try breathing in slowly through your nose for a count of four, holding briefly, and exhaling for a count of six. This simple technique helps activate your parasympathetic nervous system—your body’s natural calming mechanism.

Physical movement is also crucial. Regular exercise helps release tension, regulate your nervous system, and produce endorphins that improve mood. This doesn’t need to be intense. Gentle walking, stretching, or yoga can be particularly effective for anxiety.

Progressive muscle relaxation, where you systematically tense and release different muscle groups, can help you become more aware of physical tension and learn to release it. Many clients find this practice especially helpful before bedtime to improve sleep quality.

Remember, the mind-body connection works both ways. By addressing the physical symptoms of anxiety, you can actually reduce the psychological experience of anxiety itself. These approaches complement psychological strategies like cognitive-behavioural techniques and mindfulness practices.

If you’re struggling with the physical manifestations of anxiety and finding it difficult to break these cycles on your own, I’m here to help. As a counsellor, I offer a supportive space where we can explore both the psychological and physical aspects of your anxiety, developing personalised strategies that work for your unique situation.