Month: April 2025

As a counsellor in Beaconsfield, I’ve worked with many people, in person and online, who describe their grief as overwhelming and unpredictable. One moment they’re coping well, and the next they’re suddenly overcome with emotion. If this sounds familiar, you might find comfort in understanding the “Whirlpool of Grief” concept developed by Dr. Richard Wilson.

Picture your life before loss as a river, flowing steadily forward with its normal ups and downs. Then a significant loss occurs—perhaps the death of someone dear to you—and suddenly you find yourself pulled into a whirlpool. This powerful metaphor helps explain why grief can feel so chaotic and overwhelming.

In Wilson’s “River of Life” illustration, the river represents your life before bereavement, while the whirlpool symbolises the loss and emotional turmoil that follows. Within this whirlpool, you might experience a range of intense feelings: profound sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, and sometimes even unexpected moments of peace.

What makes grief particularly challenging is its unpredictable nature. Just when you think you’re making progress and moving toward the edge of the whirlpool, something—a memory, a photograph, an anniversary—can pull you back toward the centre. This isn’t a sign that you’re grieving “wrong” or failing to move forward; it’s simply part of the natural process.

Most people eventually find their way out of the whirlpool and back into the river of life, but the river often looks different afterwards. Your experience has changed you, and you carry your loss with you as you continue your journey. The goal isn’t to “get over” your grief but to learn to integrate it into your life in a meaningful way.

Throughout this process, having support can make a significant difference. As a bereavement counsellor, I can help you navigate these turbulent waters. Together, we can develop strategies to help you cope with overwhelming moments and gradually find your way back to a sense of stability.

Remember, grief doesn’t follow a straight line or a fixed timeline. Your journey through the whirlpool is uniquely yours, with its own rhythm and pace. But you don’t have to face it alone.

If you’re struggling with grief and feeling caught in its whirlpool, I invite you to reach out for support. Together, we can work through your loss, honouring your feelings while helping you find a path toward healing. Contact me for an initial consultation, and take that first step toward finding your way through the whirlpool of grief.

You might be experiencing a particular type of grief that feels impossible to resolve. Perhaps a loved one is physically gone but with no confirmation of what happened, or maybe they’re physically present but psychologically absent due to dementia or addiction. As a counsellor in Beaconsfield, I’ve worked with many individuals struggling with what psychologists call “ambiguous loss” – perhaps the most challenging form of grief because it offers no clear path to closure.

Ambiguous loss occurs when there’s uncertainty or confusion about whether someone is present or absent, here or gone. Unlike the clear-cut loss that comes with death, ambiguous loss remains unresolved, leaving you in a state of limbo that can feel impossible to navigate.

There are typically two types of ambiguous loss. The first involves physical absence with psychological presence – like when someone is missing, has disappeared without explanation, or when family members are separated with no contact. The second involves psychological absence with physical presence – seen in conditions like dementia, severe mental illness, or traumatic brain injury, where the person is physically there but psychologically changed or unavailable.

What makes ambiguous loss so difficult is the lack of finality. With traditional grief, there are cultural rituals that help us process our loss – funerals, memorials, and acknowledgment from others. But ambiguous loss often goes unrecognised by society. There’s no obituary, no funeral, no clear moment to begin healing. This can leave you feeling stuck in a continuous cycle of hope and despair.

You might find yourself experiencing a range of confusing emotions: guilt about moving forward with your life, hope that situations might change, and then crushing despair when they don’t. The constant uncertainty can lead to chronic stress, affecting your physical health, relationships, and sense of identity.

So how can you cope with a loss that has no resolution?

Start by acknowledging the ambiguity. Accept that certainty may not come, and that’s not your fault. Finding ways to live with unanswered questions becomes an important skill.

Create meaningful rituals that honour your unique situation. These might be very different from traditional grief rituals but can be equally healing.

Build a tolerance for ambiguity by practising “both-and” thinking. For example, learning to hold the idea that someone can be both gone and still present in your heart, or that you can both grieve what’s lost and find joy in what remains.

Set boundaries that protect your emotional wellbeing. This might mean limiting exposure to situations that trigger distress or being selective about who you share your experience with.

Most importantly, be gentle with yourself. There’s no timeline for processing ambiguous loss, and healing doesn’t always mean finding answers or achieving closure.

If you’re struggling with ambiguous loss, professional support can be invaluable. As a counsellor specialising in complex grief, I understand the unique challenges of living with unresolved loss. Together, we can work to build your resilience, find meaning despite the ambiguity, and create a path forward that honours both what you’ve lost and what remains.

Remember, even without closure, it is possible to find ways to live meaningfully alongside your grief. If you’re in the Beaconsfield area and would like support navigating ambiguous loss, or you would like to find out more about working together online, please reach out for an initial consultation. You don’t have to face this difficult journey alone.

The end of a marriage, whether through divorce or separation, involves a profound loss that often triggers a complex grieving process. As a counsellor in Beaconsfield, I’ve supported many individuals navigating the emotional landscape that follows the breakdown of a relationship. If you’re experiencing divorce, you might be surprised by the depth and range of emotions you’re feeling.

Even when divorce is mutual or necessary, there’s still a significant loss to process. You’re not just losing a partner, but also dreams for the future, shared memories, daily routines, and often, a sense of identity tied to being someone’s spouse. This multi-layered loss explains why the emotional impact can be so overwhelming.

The grief that accompanies divorce doesn’t follow a predictable pattern. You might experience a wide range of emotions: sadness about what’s ended, anger about betrayals or disappointments, fear about the future, relief that the conflict is over, or guilt about your role in the relationship’s end. These feelings might arrive in waves, sometimes contradicting each other, making the experience particularly confusing.

This form of grief can be complicated by several factors. Unlike bereavement, divorce often involves ongoing contact with your ex-partner, especially if you have children together. The loss might not receive the same social recognition as other forms of grief, leaving you feeling isolated in your pain. Additionally, practical matters like legal proceedings, financial changes, and housing arrangements can make it difficult to find space to process your emotions.

However, there are ways to navigate this challenging time. Start by acknowledging your grief as valid and important. Give yourself permission to mourn not just the relationship, but all the associated losses. Be patient with yourself and understand that healing isn’t linear – you’ll have good days and difficult days.

Creating new routines can help establish a sense of stability during this time of change. Consider what self-care practices bring you comfort and make them a priority. This might include physical activity, creative expression, time in nature, or connecting with supportive friends and family.

Setting boundaries is also crucial, especially if you need to maintain contact with your ex-partner. Be clear about what communication is necessary and what feels healthy for you. It’s okay to limit discussions to practical matters if emotional conversations are too difficult.

Remember, while divorce marks the end of a chapter, it also creates space for new beginnings. Many people find that, with time and support, they can rebuild their lives in ways that feel authentic and fulfilling. This isn’t about dismissing your grief, but rather acknowledging that healing and growth are possible.

If you’re struggling with divorce grief and finding it difficult to cope, please know that support is available. As a counsellor specialising in relationship endings and transitions, I offer a safe, non-judgmental space where you can process your emotions and begin to envision a way forward. I invite you to reach out for an initial consultation where we can discuss how counselling might support you during this challenging time. Together, we can work through your grief and help you find a path to healing and renewal.