You coped well at the time. You organised the funeral, supported others, kept going. People around you commented on how strong you were. But now, weeks or even months later, you find yourself overwhelmed by a wave of emotion that seems to have come from nowhere. If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing delayed grief.
As an online counsellor in Beaconsfield, I've worked with many individuals who are confused and unsettled by grief that arrives long after a loss. It's more common than people realise, and understanding why it happens can be an important first step towards healing.
Why Does Grief Get Delayed?
When we experience a loss, our minds sometimes protect us by temporarily suppressing the full emotional impact. This can happen for a number of reasons. In the immediate aftermath of loss, there is often simply too much to do. Practical responsibilities, the needs of others, and the demands of daily life can keep us moving forward without giving us the space to fully feel what has happened.
Sometimes, we cope by staying busy, and it is only when life quietens down that the grief finally surfaces. For others, the reality of the loss takes time to truly sink in, particularly if the death was sudden or unexpected.
Cultural or family expectations can also play a role. If you grew up in an environment where emotions were not openly expressed, or if you felt pressure to "hold it together" for those around you, your own grief may have been quietly set aside.
What Does Delayed Grief Feel Like?
Delayed grief can feel disorienting precisely because it arrives when you least expect it. A song, a smell, a particular time of year, or even a completely unrelated event can suddenly trigger an intense emotional response. You might find yourself crying unexpectedly, feeling unusually irritable or low, struggling to concentrate, or experiencing physical symptoms like fatigue or changes in appetite.
Some people worry that something is wrong with them, or that they should have "dealt with this already." The truth is, there is no correct timeline for grief. Your feelings are not late, they are simply arriving when you are finally ready to feel them.
You Do Not Have to Navigate This Alone
If you are experiencing grief that has caught you off guard, please know that what you are going through makes complete sense. As a counsellor specialising in grief and loss, I offer a safe, non-judgmental space to explore your feelings at whatever pace feels right for you.
Please do get in touch to arrange an initial consultation. Together, we can work through your grief and support you towards healing.