You conceived before. It happened. Your child is living proof that your body can create life. So why won't it happen again? If you're struggling to conceive a second child, you're facing the complex emotional landscape of secondary infertility. As a counsellor in Beaconsfield, I've worked with many individuals who feel caught between gratitude for their existing child and grief for the sibling who hasn't arrived.

Secondary infertility, difficulty conceiving after previously having a child, affects more people than you might imagine. Yet it remains a largely invisible struggle. Society expects that once you've had one child, the second should follow naturally. The assumption? You're already parents, so surely you should feel complete.

But that's not how it works, is it?

The emotions surrounding secondary infertility can be particularly isolating. There's guilt about wanting more when you already have a precious child. Sadness about your existing child potentially remaining an only child. Fear that time is running out. Frustration at your body's apparent betrayal after it worked so perfectly before.

Then there are the comments. Well-meaning friends suggest you should "just be grateful for what you have." Others assume you're being greedy or that one child should be "enough." These responses, however unintentional, can deepen the sense of isolation and invalidate very real grief.

The playground becomes a minefield. Watching other families with multiple children can trigger unexpected waves of sadness. Your child might ask for a sibling, unaware of your silent battles with ovulation charts and pregnancy tests. Each month brings renewed hope followed by familiar disappointment, all whilst maintaining normal parenting for your existing child.

Unlike primary infertility, where your entire focus can be on conception, secondary infertility requires you to compartmentalise. You're grieving whilst parenting. Processing disappointment whilst reading bedtime stories. Managing medical appointments around school runs.

This balancing act is exhausting. Some days you feel overwhelmed by gratitude for your child; others, consumed by longing for another. Both feelings can coexist, even though it feels contradictory.

Finding support can be challenging. Primary infertility support groups might not feel quite right. You have a child, after all. Friends with multiple children might struggle to understand your pain. It's a lonely middle ground between childlessness and completed families.

Remember, it’s perfectly natural to struggle with this. Wanting to expand your family doesn't diminish your love for your existing child. The grief you're experiencing for an unconceived child is real and deserves acknowledgement.

If you're navigating secondary infertility and feeling isolated in this journey, specialised support is available. As a counsellor experienced in fertility challenges, I understand the unique complexities of secondary infertility. Together, we can explore these difficult emotions and find ways to cope whilst maintaining hope for your growing family.